The Truth About Being Engaged

On September 5, 2016, my life completely changed. I was asked by my best friend and soul mate if I would spend the rest of my life with him. Sure we talked about our future all the time, like ALL the time. It was mainly me sussing out when we were going to take that next step really. What I didn’t prepare for though was that moment when he took me by complete surprise and finally asked the question I had been longing to hear for, let’s be honest, the previous two years. I am older than Tommy and I knew from when I met him in Greece that he was going to be the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was absolutely everything I looked for in a man, but more importantly he appreciated every single aspect of me for what it was. In our initial two weeks of meeting I shared my deepest and darkest secrets and memories and he just simply listened. He listened, he empathised and he held me tight. I knew that if anything we had started a beautiful friendship.

So why is it then that when he asked me to marry him, I went into complete and utter shock? I couldn’t talk at all. I am not sure I was even breathing. My hands were shaking and I worked up an incredible sweat in my already sweaty netball dress. This was the moment I had always dreamt about. It was happening right in front of my eyes and I knew that I was going to have the happiest life with him. So when Tommy finally got the ring off Hadlee’s collar and onto my finger we celebrated with our friends and my new parents. The night was truly magical and it went by so quickly. The energy in the room was simply gorgeous and I will hold onto that day and night forever. The first week of engaged life was like living in a dream. I didn’t get anything done at work as my focus was truly out the window. I had this beaming smile on my face that hurt my mouth each time I was congratulated, but I didn’t even care. I was in love all over again. Life was good and it could only get better. The love and affection between Tommy and I got stronger and we connected on a whole new level. Engaged life rocked!

Two weeks on, I went away for ten days for my school holidays. I went to visit an old school friend in Byron and then my maid of honour in Melbourne. Weddings were all the talk, especially with Rach. I missed Tommy terribly as I was busy spending time with my friends that we barely got to speak. Engaged life started to go downhill. We had to organise a wedding date that would suit Tommy’s brother as he plays professional football, but had to also ensure that we could match it with my school holidays. Since Tommy and I went on a holiday to Thailand, I had always wanted to get married in Thailand. We even met with a wedding coordinator over there without being engaged. We were sold on the place and thought yep we can do this when we are ready. Sam’s football commitments, school holidays and their rain season meant that we couldn’t go to Thailand. I was devastated. I have never been that girl who had planned out her wedding since she was 10. I was the girl who wanted to elope on an island abroad.

So it was decided that to keep my dream of a beach wedding, we would get married in Fiji. A compromise, but a fairly good one. Now the wedding was only a year away though and nothing was organised. The stress head in me came out to not just say hello, but make camp and stay for a while. I love being organised and I love being in control. At times these are good attributes; however they can also be very damaging if you aren’t careful. I turned into a miserable heap because I became so overwhelmed by ‘wedding stuff’ that I didn’t know how to deal with it. The hardest compromise I had to work with Tommy on was our guest list. Tommy is such a social butterfly, and gosh that’s why I love him. He loves everyone and everyone loves him. He just wanted a massive party to celebrate the fact that he gets to marry his girl. Me? I am still that girl who wanted to elope. Key word is wanted. I figured there were some people I couldn’t do my wedding without, so 30 guests seemed appropriate. Now I know some of you are laughing right now, but the anxiety in me built up so much that I actually had three full blown panic attacks. There was no way I could get married with 90 people watching me, people who I have never met, people who I don’t like, people who haven’t really taken a liking to me. The thought of it made me physically ill, literally. Engaged life sucked.

So after many discussions and still currently discussing, Tommy and I reached many compromises. We finalised a guest list to 60 which is still high for me, but for Tommy, he had to cut a hell of a lot of people to try and help me feel more calm. For that I appreciate his selflessness. We chose a location and paid a 50% deposit. We had an interesting session of writing a budget where we both learnt that no matter where or how you get married, it will be expensive. We chose our amazing bridal party who are some of the greatest people we know. I purchased my wedding dress and my bridesmaids’ dresses and booked our beauty appointments for the big day. I learnt some heart wrenching truths about friendships. People who stop talking to you once you get engaged, people who start talking to you because you are engaged and, of course, just simply finding out who some people really are. It’s crazy to think that once you become engaged, you then put a value on friendships and how people treat you.

I feel like engaged life has made me mature in some ways. It’s taught me to not take people’s BS and to stand up for what I believe in. It’s taught me to not be selfish, or try not to be as much. It’s taught me to appreciate that my work is my work and that I am allowed to have a personal life. It taught me that sometimes life is crazy busy so you just need to stop and breathe. It’s taught me to treasure those around you as they are there for a reason. It doesn’t matter if you don’t talk every month, true friends and family will love and support you through anything. So do I love engaged life? Right now, hell no. Whoever said wedding planning is meant to be fun needs help. I love planning and wedding planning is hideous, especially if your significant other and you are opposites. I know that now I have booked my major aspects of the wedding it will be a lot more fun and easier but I hated the first two months with the exception of the first week. It has taught me that above anything, I can’t wait to get into bed with my man and fall asleep next to him. Because that’s how I get to spend the rest of my life.